Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
