I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
