ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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