She is in my trunk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
