bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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