I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
