My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
