went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
