he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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