I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
