I wish I only lived at night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize