She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
