you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
