I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
