He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
