farters have to be the big spoon...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
