Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
