Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
