that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
