its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
