I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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