I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
