One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
