Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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