I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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