somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
two words: eviction party
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
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