Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
