I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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