I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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