Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
