it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
