you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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