Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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