the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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