thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
