UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Randomize
