youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Pants are for mortals
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
