Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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