I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
