We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
