Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
