That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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