just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
