Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize