Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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