If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
