Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Randomize
