i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had sex on a roof
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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