i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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