I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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