How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
