You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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