The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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