3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
