im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
