Can i not drive my cunt home
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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