I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
