You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
