i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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