don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
