He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize