I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
