Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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