Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
