weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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