she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
