biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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