i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
