I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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